A Mother. A Daughter. A Legacy That Refuses Silence

A Stellar Woman Mother’s Day Conversation with Viktoria Höller and Elisabeth Gabauer

For Stellar Woman Magazine Mother’s Day Special Edition

Mother’s Day is more than a celebration of flowers, cards, and kind words. It is also an opportunity to honour the women whose love, resilience, courage, and choices shape the next generation.

For this special Mother’s Day edition of Stellar Woman Magazine and The Stellar Woman Show, we welcomed Viktoria Höller, a 21-year-old political science and journalism student at the University of Vienna, who nominated her mother, Elisabeth Gabauer, as a Stellar Mother.

Viktoria is a young woman shaped by justice, feminism, humour, music, and a deep sense of political awareness. Raised between countries, languages, and shifting realities, she carries a voice that is both tender and powerful. She studies political science and journalism, works alongside her studies, and is passionate about investigative storytelling that amplifies marginalised voices.

Her mother, Elisabeth Gabauer, is an international speaker, bestselling author, women’s coach, therapist, and founder of the Alchemy movement — a sisterhood gathering created to support women’s personal growth, healing, and development. For over 20 years, Elisabeth has supported women to overcome limiting beliefs, root themselves deeply, and build healthier, freer lives.

Together, mother and daughter tell a story of breaking cycles, redefining motherhood, and showing what becomes possible when a woman refuses silence.

Part One: Viktoria Höller on the Mother Who Shaped Her Voice

Who is Viktoria Höller?

I think you described me quite well. There is not much more I can add, except that I was always a very political child and young woman. That has really shaped who I am today.

What matters most to you right now in life?

My studies matter a lot to me. They take up a lot of my time. Beyond that, social movements are very important to me, especially intersectional feminism and class struggles. Those have always been big things for me.

You are studying political science and journalism at the University of Vienna. What inspired you to pursue this path?

I was always interested in politics and fighting for equality. When I was about 14, I was first introduced to conversations around equality and social justice. It was my first real introduction to politics and made me realise that even the private areas of life can be deeply political.

Later, I became interested in investigative journalism. I realised that journalism plays a very important role in democracy. I was drawn to the classic watchdog role of journalism.

At school, I regularly attended protests and debated with my teachers and classmates. After school, I took a gap year and worked as a waitress. I did not really know what I wanted to do next, but I realised that I had always cared about politics and wanted to understand it more deeply. That is when I concluded that political journalism was probably the right path for me.

“Even what we think of as private life is political.”

Your studies and work focus strongly on justice and feminism. Where did that awareness first begin for you?

For sure, it began at home. I first realised that boys my age were treated very differently from me. Excuses were often made for their behaviour, but when I did the same things, adults saw it as unacceptable.

Then I noticed that men were often treated as more capable. Women had to do the dishes while the men sat after a family meal and shouted for someone to bring them a beer. Seeing those patterns made me aware of inequality very early.

When you heard about the Mother’s Day feature, what made you want to nominate your mother?

My mother has always been a big inspiration to me. She made me realise that the life patriarchal structures dictate for us does not have to be the only way to live. You can take risks. You can move beyond what is considered normal.

“You do not have to follow what society tells you. You can choose differently.”

What does your mother represent in your life beyond simply being “Mum”?

For me, she is a pioneer of some sort maybe even a revolutionary, at least for our family.

She was the first woman in our family to leave a toxic marriage when that seemed unimaginable to the other women around us. She was also the first to speak openly about the clear favouring of men in our family and the solidarity between men that often came before everything else.

If you had to describe her influence on your life in one sentence, what would it be?

She taught me that women can do and survive hard things.

When the world sees your mother as a speaker, bestselling author, founder, coach, and therapist, how do you see her at home?

At home, I see a loving mother who really wanted to be a mother and who would do everything for me and my sister.

At the same time, she is never fully satisfied with herself. She is very self-critical and always wants to grow and level up.

What is something about your mother that the public would never guess?

Probably that she is incredibly funny. Sometimes it takes her a while to catch my jokes, but beyond the beauty and the brains, she is genuinely so much fun to be around.

I even take her out with my friends sometimes, and they absolutely love having her there. In fact, they often ask if I can bring her along

What is your earliest memory of her strength?

I am not sure if it is the earliest memory, but the first thing that comes to mind is when she had to arrange her own mother’s funeral.

I was devastated because I had lost my grandmother, whom I was very close to. Her brother and father could not think clearly, and of course my mother was grieving too. But she had no choice. She stepped up and arranged everything so that my grandmother could have a good funeral and everyone else could grieve.

She did it without question.

Growing up, did you feel you had a different kind of mother compared to your friends?

Yes, absolutely. She was not the typical “trad wife” kind of mother.

As a child, I sometimes wished I had a more “normal” life and a more “normal” mother, because I already felt like I did not fit in. At the time, that did not always help.

But now I realise how meaningful it was that she showed me independence. She showed me that you can be a working woman who does what she loves and still be a good mother. She also did not have the resources to be a stay-at-home mother, but she did not need to be one to show me that she was a good mother.

What does she do that makes you feel most loved?

It is hard to pick just one thing, but one recent example comes to mind.

Before Christmas, my washing machine stopped working. Without question, my mother drove to my apartment, picked up my clothes, washed and folded them, and brought them back to me until I could afford a new washing machine.

I felt very loved then.

Your mother speaks openly about patriarchal structures and raising her daughters differently. What did that look like in everyday life for you?

One of my clearest memories is from when she held seminars for women. She always made sure there was someone to look after the children so every mother could attend.

She made sure no one was without a village.

She also never told me that something was “for boys” or “for girls.” It was always, “You can do anything you set your mind to.”

Did you grow up feeling empowered as a young woman?

Yes. I realised it when I started high school in the nearest city. Many of my friends stayed in their small hometown, worked in shops, married very young, and had children early.

For me, it was never even a question that I would dream big and want more from life than traditional roles. I wanted to learn, get an education, and work in a job I actually enjoyed — not just one I tolerated.

My mother never made me question whether I could do that. In fact, she kind of expected me to do something greater with my life than just make money to survive.

What conversations with your mother shaped how you see yourself today?

Probably the conversations we had after my grandmother took her own life. My mother explained very well how her own mother could no longer keep living with the pain.

She also explained why it is important never to let your life be dictated by the decisions of men, man-made things, or social expectations.

Those conversations helped me understand my family dynamics better. It was a very formative time in my life. I think that was when I realised, I could not continue the same patterns I saw in my family. I wanted to take the chances that the women before me never had, and the chances they fought for so that I could study and do what I care about.

Was your grandmother’s death something your mother spoke openly about?

Yes. I was around 14 when it happened. My mother had shielded me from some of what my grandmother was going through, but I sensed that something was wrong. My grandmother was never the happy grandmother you see in movies.

When she took her own life, I understood more clearly what had been happening. My mother never made it a taboo topic. I could always ask questions, and she answered truthfully. That helped me a lot with my grief.

As a 21-year-old woman at university, what part of your mother’s philosophy has stayed with you the most?

Probably her “them” philosophy. She always taught me not to care too much about what others think.

In fact, she taught me to pity those who had nothing more interesting in their lives than the way we lived ours.

People in our town always talked about us because we moved frequently, did things differently, and were not the typical Austrian family. But she never cared about it, and now I do not either.

Has there ever been a time when you disagreed with her worldview? How did she handle that?

Yes. When I was about 16, I became very interested in politics. I started noticing patterns and came to believe that many injustices and inequalities were rooted in capitalism.

In our small town in Austria, I had never met anyone who dared to question that way of existing. When I first brought my new thoughts to my mother, she was not very excited about my newly found socialist tendencies.

But she was the only person in my family and around me who really wanted to understand why I felt the way I did. We discussed it often and deeply. Eventually, she began to question things too. Now we are mostly on the same page.

She was willing to change her opinion when she was proven wrong. I think that is a trait very few people have.

Your mother experienced deep trauma in her own childhood. How do you see her breaking generational patterns?

The big thing is that she always made sure we got out of toxic environments. We never stayed long in places where we could not flourish.

The women before her had a habit of staying in catastrophic situations until they died. They were convinced they just had to sit things out, even when those situations did not serve them.

My mother never did that. We always got out when something no longer served us.

In what ways did she create a different emotional environment for you?

She encouraged me to do what I was interested in. If I wanted to play piano or do a musical, she made sure I could.

She did not have children just because “that is what people do.” She had children because she wanted to be a mother. I felt that.

I know she never felt truly wanted by her parents, but I never questioned whether I was wanted. That is a big difference.

What have you learned from her about resilience?

That is probably the greatest lesson I have learned from her — that you can go through incredibly difficult times and still emerge stronger on the other side.

Even when it feels impossible to keep going, darkness never lasts forever; eventually, the sun rises again.

How did watching her as a single mother shape your view of independence?

My parents split up when I was about three, so I grew up with that as my reality. It still surprises me when people tell me their parents are together, because in my mind that was never the only option.

My mother stepped up as if she had to be both mum and dad – and she was.

I never questioned whether a woman could do life without a man. I never thought you needed a man to get through life or support yourself. I think that idea is ingrained in many women’s minds, but for me, it never was.

If you had to describe your mother’s motherhood style in three words, what would they be?

“Just let her.”

My mother let me try a lot of things. She let me roam free. My friends always had to be home much earlier than I did, and most of the time I came home earlier than we had agreed because their parents were never as relaxed as mine.

That freedom made me independent.

Your mother speaks about the harmful assigned role of motherhood. From your experience, how did she redefine that role?

She lets people know that she is not just a mother. She is an interesting woman with a very interesting life story and a lot to show.

Her children are definitely part of that, but her whole life does not have to revolve around the role of mother. She is her own person.

What do you think society misunderstands most about mothers like your mum?

People often think mothers like her care less or are too career driven.

But you do not have to lose yourself completely to be considered a good mother. You do not have to sacrifice your whole life either. Show your children that a strong woman can be both a mother and a cool woman.

“You do not have to lose yourself completely to be considered a good mother. Show your children that a strong woman can be both a mother and a cool woman.” — Viktoria Höller

What is one thing she did that you would carry into your own future motherhood, and one thing you might do differently?

I am not sure yet about bringing children into this political and social climate, but if I did, I would try to be as open with my children as she was with me.

It helped me to see that you can cry, be devastated, and still talk about difficult things. Even suicide was not a taboo topic in our home. We should talk about difficult things instead of assuming children cannot handle them.

Being able to ask questions helped me with my grief.

What I might do differently is adjust the “just let her” approach a little. As fun as it was, because I had a lot of freedom, sometimes I probably needed a bit more guidance too. At times, I wondered if my friends’ stricter parents cared more about them, even though I know that was not true.

As someone studying journalism, how do you view your mother’s work in shaping social narratives?

It is very important, and it should have been talked about a long time ago. It is important to speak about taboo things, because the more awareness you raise around a topic, the more people think about it and act differently.

There is now much more awareness in the media about patriarchal structures. I also think the lens through which we look at stories matters. Looking at something through a feminist or intersectional lens can create a completely different story.

If you were to write the headline of your mother’s life story, what would it be?

Between moving places and breaking cycles.

What do you think the world most needs to understand about women like your mother?

That independent women are not something to fear.

I think many men are scared of what could happen if women had the same rights and opportunities as them. Yes, we are capable but that does not take away from anyone. It can only add to society.

Equality would have a great impact on all oppressed groups, not only women.

If you could say one thing directly to your mother this Mother’s Day, what would it be?

Thank you for teaching me how to believe in myself, and for being not only a cool mum, but an even cooler woman.

What final message would you like to leave with our readers?

The world needs more strong women.

Part Two: Elisabeth Gabauer on Motherhood, Healing and Breaking Cycles

After hearing Viktoria’s powerful tribute, we welcomed Elisabeth Gabauer- the woman whose choices, courage, and love have shaped such a grounded and independent daughter.

Elisabeth is an international speaker, bestselling author, women’s coach, therapist, podcast host, and mother of two daughters, Viktoria, 21, and Caroline, 9. Her work is rooted in helping women overcome limiting beliefs, heal from patriarchal conditioning, and create healthy, self-rooted lives.

She has lived much of her life as a single mother and has consciously chosen a more matriarchal way of living – one that refuses to reduce women to assigned roles and instead honours their fullness, complexity, and humanity.

Who is Elisabeth Gabauer?

I think the introduction described me very well. I do not want to add too much more, because I feel you captured it beautifully.

What does Mother’s Day mean to you personally?

For me, Mother’s Day is about awareness. It shines a light on mothers – on our love, our work, and also our challenges.

Awareness and attention are very important because Mother’s Day is about visibility. It is about seeing all the good things mothers do in the world, but also drawing attention to the places where being a mother is difficult in our lives and in our society.

It is a very important day to me because I think nothing is more important than motherhood. The relationship with our mothers is the most important relationship we have. It shapes our being and our life.

On Mother’s Day, I celebrate myself, other mothers, my mother, and my grandmothers.

“Nothing is more important than motherhood.” Elisabeth Gabauer

How did your own childhood shape the way you mother?

My mother was very hardworking and very kind, but most of the time she did not seem very happy. She suffered from recurring depression, and I always tried to make her happy.

I learned to be the nice girl to make her life easier.

From that, I realised that a happy mother is the best mother. That has been my goal: to be a happy, joyful, healthy woman.

To lead a fulfilling life as a woman is the greatest gift you can give your children. When you are happy, your children are free. They do not have to take care of you.

That is what I learned from my childhood.

“A happy mother is the best mother.” – Elisabeth Gabauer

You speak about rejecting patriarchal motherhood structures. What did you consciously choose to do differently?

Patriarchal structures often favour small, isolated families – one woman with one, two, or three children in a house or apartment, or children placed in daycare from an early age with changing caregivers.

But we know it takes a village to raise a child.

So I connected myself to other women, other mothers, and my grandmother. We supported each other in raising our children. I tried to build my own village around Viktoria and Caroline.

I also took Viktoria and Caroline with me to my seminars and lectures as often as possible. And I tried to remain financially independent so I would not have to stay in a bad relationship at all costs.

That was very important to me.

What did being a single mother teach you about your own strength?

When you have children, you quickly realise that motherhood requires you to do many things you may not always want to do. For me, that meant cooking every day, staying organised, and making sure we were always on time for school and daily life.

Motherhood taught me discipline, structure, and how to care for someone beyond myself. It taught me how to put another person first and love unconditionally.

As a single mother, you also learn to make countless decisions on your own. There is not always someone there to discuss the small everyday choices with, so you learn to trust your instincts and listen deeply to your intuition.

The mental load can be overwhelming because so much responsibility rests on your shoulders. You have to learn how to manage your thoughts, protect your peace of mind, and stay emotionally grounded.

In many ways, I believe it made me incredibly strong and very decisive.

How did you manage the mental load of single motherhood?

Female friendships were very important to me. Good friends were essential.

We talked a lot about motherhood, what children need, and what it means to be a mother. That helped me very much.

How do you raise daughters to be rooted rather than reactive?

I think you have to be a safe person and an anchor.

Children do not learn from your words as much as they learn from your behaviour. It does not help to tell them to calm down if you yourself are falling apart.

But I was not always a safe person, especially when Viktoria was little. I was not rooted in myself, and I was often very unregulated.

I learned step by step. I think that is also something you can show your children: how to return to your roots, how to align with yourself, how to find your own answers, and how to find your own way.

“Children learn from what you do, not what you say.” Elisabeth Gabauer

What have your daughters taught you?

Viktoria taught me how to be authentic. She is like a personified lie detector. She knows exactly when I am lying to myself.

I would say she showed me who I really am in the depths of my soul. In my relationship with her, I had to face all my shadows, but I also recognised my bright side.

She has definitely made me a better human being.

My youngest daughter, Caroline, who is nine, has taught me a lot about the funny things in daily life. Her sensitivity brings more awareness and mindfulness into my life.

What fears did you have as a mother, and how did you move through them?

My biggest fear was that generational trauma would bind my daughters to an unhealthy and unhappy life.

But I learned that when I look at my own issues and resolve them, they do not necessarily have to be passed on.

That was one of the greatest realisations of my life.

What do you hope your daughters never inherit from society?

I hope they always think for themselves.

I hope they do not blindly believe in social norms, because social norms are changeable. I want them to live from their own opinions.

What do you most hope they inherit from you?

Never give up on your dreams.

Go your own way, and do not let anybody define who you are.

Have an open heart and love people deeply, but love yourself a little bit more.

Most of all, know that you will survive and the pain will pass.

“Love people deeply, but love yourself a little bit more.” – Elisabeth Gabauer

How do you define success as a mother?

For me, success is when my children come back to me and get in touch with me not because they have to, but because they want to.

What final message would you like to leave with women reading this Mother’s Day edition?

There is a message here for all women: we should believe in each other and not let anybody define who we are.

I hope this message finds many women out there.

A Mother’s Day Reflection

Viktoria’s nomination of Elisabeth is more than a daughter honouring her mother. It is a living example of legacy.

Through Elisabeth’s courage to leave toxic environments, question inherited structures, speak openly about grief, remain financially independent, and build a village around her daughters, Viktoria has inherited a powerful sense of self.

She has learned that women can survive hard things. She has learned that independence is not something to fear. She has learned that a woman can be both a mother and a whole person.

This Mother’s Day, their story reminds us that motherhood is not about perfection. It is about presence, courage, honesty, and the willingness to break cycles so that the next generation can walk freer.

As Elisabeth says:

A happy mother is the best mother.

And as Viktoria reminds us:

The world needs more strong women.