It felt almost instantaneous that as soon as the calendar read September 23, time transported us to the Holiday Season. Sure, we all had our Halloween candy and our Thanksgiving turkey dinner, but the holiday most people are enthusiastic about is Christmas. We are inundated by the optimal gifts, the sweets, the nostalgia of what Santa meant to us as children and the child-like wonder and anticipation for this seemingly magical experience wrapped in ribbon and tinsel.
The t.v. commercials and the radio songs stir up a whirlwind of giddiness, joy, laughter, family and friends, as if to force us into a cheerful mood and strip us of our freedom to choose our emotions, at least up until New Year’s Eve.
Whenever this time of year comes around for me, I am reminded of my mother taking my sister and I to the mall to pick out our Christmas dresses for church, only for us to kick off our patent leather shoes, use our coats as a makeshift bed on the pews and fall asleep during service and awaken for the excitement of our traditional Christmas dinner.
As sweet and innocent as those memories may be, these days, that’s not my current reality. My loneliness and sadness have only been compounded year after year. The sadness that I feel doesn’t stem from any scarcity in my life, but more so, a feeling that something, or someone, is missing. Although I have been in a few long-term relationships that spanned over the holiday season, I don’t have a single good memory of sharing it with a significant other. As in previous years, I find myself asking, when will my time come?
Yes, I pride myself on being independent and self-reliant, but I still long for those moments to share with another to go to family dinners with, go see the Macy’s Christmas window display in New York City, or snuggle with watching Christmas movies and roasting chestnuts on an open fire. At a certain point, I realized that I was doing a lot of focusing on what I hoped to have and feel and experience, instead of living for the now. As real as my feelings of loneliness may be, I know that at the end of the day, I have the choice to either stew and get all pruney in my negativity or embrace the Christmas spirit and count my blessings. Of course, this is easier said than done. Not all of us can pick ourselves up and out of the self-imposed hole of loneliness.
If you are experiencing those holiday blues, I invite you to ponder, and even journal, over these 3 things:
- Reflecting over the past year – It’s so easy for us to compare our lives to our siblings, what we see on tv and social media or even just have those moments of shoulda, coulda, woulda, that lead to a lack mindset. Do a scan over the past 12 months of your life and take note of the person you have become, the things or people you have let go of because they were no longer in alignment with who you were becoming, and your accomplishments.
- Make a gratitude list – When we long for something we don’t currently have, we perpetuate a lack mindset, and in turn, push away the thing we want to attract. As the author, Peter McWilliams stated, “our thoughts create our reality – where we put our focus is the direction we tend to go.” If we keep our thoughts with what is absent in our life, we will only magnetize in more of what we don’t have. When we are grateful for what we do have like, running water, a bed to sleep in, internet to read this article, we send out a vibration of having all that we need and desire.
- Live in the present moment – When we live from our past, we feel regret; when we live for the future, we feel anxiety; when we live in the present, we feel free. This is a time for us to celebrate! Celebrate who you are, what you have, and for the people that are currently in your life.
Think of this holiday season as your personal theme park. You get to choose the attractions you see, the rides you go on, and the food you eat. Take the time to honor yourself and be your own gift and have all the small moments you experience create the new memories that you will be grateful for next year.
~ Nicky Hassaballa
Below are ways you can connect with Nicky:
Email: nickyhassaballa@gmail.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/nmhassaballa
Instagram: @nickyhass14
Facebook: Nicky Hassaballa
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/nicky-hass